As moms, we often have ideas of what life should look like and who our kids should be.
Today we are bombarded with images of seemingly perfect families, perfect parties, perfect meals, and perfect kid’s activities. However, these staged images rarely reflect reality and if we compare ourselves to these images, we can feel like failures – but we aren’t. We are real, often tired, moms who are facing decision after decision without the resources or support we need. During both “normal” and “challenging” times, we must be kind to ourselves and reject the message that we must be perfect. Our kids will benefit from us being our true selves, not driven by the belief that we must be perfect.
While rejecting the ideal of perfection, we can embrace the idea of improvement. Setting goals can help us to move forward when we feel stuck and helpless. It also allows us to focus on what we most want to achieve. Thus, we work with SMART goals: goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
Let’s apply this to a “real-world” mom. As the working professional and mother of two kids, our mom is constantly trying to manage her many roles (work role, mom role, wife role, etc.). A critical first step is to identify ONE goal. If we identify too many things to change at one time, it is easy to become frustrated and hard to keep going if you fail.
For our mom, she identified wanting to really be present with her kids when she was at home. Her work is rarely nine to five, so she finds it difficult to set work aside as she often is doing the work of three people and texts/emails are constantly coming in after hours. For her SMART goal, she might decide on the following:
For the next two weeks, I will turn off all of my electronic devices for one hour each workday evening and four hours each weekend. During this time, I will be present with my children and interact with them without distraction.
Does this meet the SMART goal criteria?
And the answer is: yes! This is a SMART goal. It is realistic and allows room for both improvement and self-compassion.
Including your children in the process can help you master your SMART goal. As our mom’s children are in elementary school and junior high, she can share her goal with them and its importance to her. Sharing her goal may make it likely that her children will want to be involved. For example, a child who loves art might want to paint the box that she will put her phone and tablet in. They may ask her if she met her goal each day and even let her know if she hasn’t. This is a great way to teach them to develop their own goals as well.
By showing your child that it is important to set goals, you help them develop tools to be successful in their own life. When you succeed, celebrate! Teach them to reward themselves and celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small. When you stumble, show them that you can keep trying. Don’t beat yourself up, but instead use this as an opportunity to role model persistence and self-compassion.
What is your first SMART goal?
Click here to use our printable worksheet and start creating your own SMART goals today.