Like we’ve talked about before in our GAMES and work-life integration series, juggling work and parenting responsibilities is no easy feat. As working mothers, it can feel like we are always on the go: taking kids to and from school, commuting to work, and running any number of errands. With so much to do and so little time, it’s no wonder that our minds bounce from one to-do item to the next with no space to breathe. Even when we are doing something we enjoy, it can be hard to be present in the moment without dozens of tasks or distractions competing for our attention. This is where mindfulness can help.
Mindfulness is the practice of bringing our attention to the present moment. This includes observing our surroundings, thoughts, and feelings. Being mindful means being able to check-in with ourselves and identifying any emotions we may be feeling in the current moment. While that may sound simple, it’s actually much easier said than done. With continued practice, mindfulness can lead to many positive outcomes, including helping to reduce feelings of anxiety and depression. For working mothers specifically, mindfulness can lead to reduced parental stress and improved family well-being.
Getting started.
Mindfulness is a journey that starts with self-awareness, so we often start by learning to be in tune with our bodies and our breathing. This can be done a number of ways, but one quick way to do this is to do a “body scan” – a straightforward exercise that can be practiced at any place and time.
Start by sitting or laying down and closing your eyes. Bring your attention to your feet and toes: how do they feel? Is there any tension or aches and pains? If there is, try to acknowledge it and then move on. One key to mindfulness is to come from a place of neutrality: things do not have to be taken care of immediately. They can just exist for now. After this, move up your body and notice any sensations in your legs. Continue to “scan” your body until you reach the top of your head. While scanning, it’s important to breathe deeply (in through the nose, out through the mouth) and focus in on each individual body part. Again, keep that neutrality mindset strong: nothing needs to be fixed right now. Things just are. After your body check-in, you will hopefully feel a bit more in-tune with yourself and your surroundings, and will have a better idea of how to provide yourself with some more relief. For example, if you noticed a pain in your neck, you can do a few neck rolls – this may be a pain that was contributing to your stress without you even realizing.
It can also be helpful to do “mind check-ins” throughout the day. This check-in is as simple as taking note of what your senses are telling you. Like the body scans, these can occur at any time or place. For example, say you’re sitting at your desk at work. What sounds do you hear? How does the chair feel against your body? Are there any new scents in the office? By taking a minute to focus on your senses, it pulls your awareness to the present moment. These check-ins can be a nice way to reset if you feel weighed down by your thoughts.
You may feel your mind wandering or struggle to turn your brain “off” during these exercises, but that is okay. Just like learning a new language or how to ride a bike, being mindful takes practice and patience. When you feel your mind drifting off, allow yourself grace and gently guide it back to the present moment. A great way to do this is to focus on your breathing. Something I often do when my mind drifts during these check-ins is repeat to myself, “Back to breath.” This process of checking in with our bodies and minds helps us identify how we react to different situations.
Setting your intentions.
Once we are able to observe our bodies and breathing, we can then focus on how we can incorporate our intentions with being mindful. What does this mean? We have to be aware of our purpose and goals in the present moment. For example, when we are playing with our children or on a date with our spouse, we have to let go of work issues in that moment so that we can devote our energy and attention to the event at hand. Similarly, while we are at work, we have to choose not to think about laundry or the science fair, so that we are not unnecessarily draining ourselves. With mindfulness, we are being intentional with our time and energy.
It can be helpful to devote a consistent time and place to practice mindfulness. For example, we can set aside five minutes each morning to check-in with ourselves, do a body scan, and practice deep breathing. By setting aside this time every day, we are committing to a time just for us. If we miss a day or two, that’s okay. Judgment has no place in mindfulness.
This is a judgment-free zone.
One of the best aspects of mindfulness is that it is a judgment-free zone! When else does this happen for moms?! Mindfulness includes acknowledging our emotions, too. We can feel a range of emotions on any given day, from excited to annoyed, elated to angry, and anywhere in between. Sometimes, we can feel multiple emotions at once; other times, we can feel like our emotions drive our thoughts and our actions. By being mindful, we can take a moment to identify what emotions we are feeling – positive, negative, or in between – without judgment. Going back to the idea of neutrality, the goal is to be an observer and not a judge.
It can be scary to look these emotions and feelings in the eye without immediately recoiling or assigning fault to them or yourself. However, there is nothing you can do that makes you more worthy as a human or as a mom. By our very nature of being human, we each have worth, so awareness of our “faults” does not equal a lack of value. Rather, it strengthens us. If we can approach our emotions – the good, the bad, and the ugly – from a neutral, observer perspective, we can become more in tune with ourselves and how our bodies and minds react to everyday situations.
Start practicing mindfulness today with this checklist. In our next GAMES series post, we will talk about how to leverage mindfulness in responding to emotions, to further our goal of achieving that work-life integration.
