Throughout life, we often focus more on our weaknesses than our strengths. Self-deprecation is much easier to do than positive self-talk, and while it may feel good at the moment, the long-term consequences can be damaging. Improving our areas of weakness is always a good thing; however, we shouldn’t neglect the other side of that coin, which is our strengths. It is much easier to mold something that already exists (for example, building up a strength) rather than trying to generate something entirely new out of something else (such as creating a strength from a weakness). Today, we will discuss how you can identify your strengths and incorporate them into your life to reach your goals.
Take a moment to think about what your strengths might be, or ask those close to you what strengths of yours may come to mind. These can be anything; it can be an innate creative talent or an introspective ability. You can complete a free strengths assessment by going here. You may be surprised to learn what strengths you possess and how they can support you in a wide range of activities, roles, or pursuits.
This discussion of strengths naturally takes us to what is known as strengths-based parenting (SBP). SBP is a parenting style that emphasizes identifying the child’s strengths and providing opportunities to build on those strengths. SBP has been shown to decrease children’s stress levels and boost their coping skills when they are faced with new scenarios and challenges. This is because growing one’s strengths creates a larger box of tools to draw from during stressful times. When you are aware of your strengths and you know how to use them, you are much more likely to feel calm and more confident in your ability to handle negative emotions and situations. This is what SBP helps with! SBP also encourages parents to incorporate their strengths into their parenting so that both parent and child are using their strongest assets to meet challenges. Research has shown that as little as three weeks of an SBP intervention in parenting can boost parents’ self-efficacy and positive emotions. It’s a win-win! Don’t be scared, though: SBP does not have to completely alter the way you choose to parent your child. Think of it as an addition to your house – you aren’t changing much, just adding something to benefit your life.
So, how do we begin to add SBP into our lives?
- Start noticing and reflecting on your child’s strengths. Talk to your child(ren) about their strengths. Having these conversations will help understand your child, especially during stressful times. It can also help your child(ren) understand and identify their strengths on their own.
- Have a strength journal or map to track your family’s strengths and how this has come to support your family in the given week.
- Ask your child about their strengths when they are faced with a challenge. How can these strengths help them accomplish their goals?
- Utilize your strengths to better support your family. For instance, if you have an upcoming trip coming up and it is exacerbating your stress for the week. However, you know that you are a great organizer and can spend a couple of hours planning out the week to help you tackle the stressful tasks leading up to the trip.
You don’t have to be a parent to use strengths-based approaches, either. Remember how we were talking about the way that using SBP can help boost children’s resilience and coping skills? Adults can do that, too! Utilizing one’s strengths has been shown to increase overall well-being and positive affect, and at work, they can boost productivity and job satisfaction. To incorporate SBP into your own life, take some time to consider your family member’s strengths and incorporate this language into how you approach difficulties and exciting moments.
References & Further Reading
Lavy, S., & Littman-Ovadia, H. (2016). My better self: Using strengths at work and work productivity, organizational citizenship behavior, and satisfaction. Journal of Career Development, 44(2), 95-109. https://doi.org/10.1177/0894845316634056
Waters, L., & Sun, J. (2016). Can a brief strength-based parenting intervention boost self-efficacy and positive emotions in parents? International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 1, 41-56. DOI: 10.1007/s41042-017-0007-x
Waters, L. (2015). The relationship between strength-based parenting with children’s stress levels and strength-based coping approaches. Psychology, 6, 689-699. http://dx.doi.org/10.4236/psych.2015.66067
Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Kashdan, T. B., & Hurling, R. (2011). Using personal and psychological strengths leads to increases in well-being over time: A longitudinal study and the development of the strengths use questionnaire. Personality and Individual Differences, 50(1), 15-19. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2010.08.004