“I can do it if I just work hard enough.”
Some navigate life with this mindset founded in the optimistic view that persistence will help you overcome any obstacle. However, in life, some things aren’t there for us to go through; rather, we need to use our flexibility to get around. In the toughest of times, where hard work may not have received rewards, we must also challenge the voice in our mind that declines to see the value in our abilities- the pessimistic voice. Operating too long with the loudness of either voice often leads to mental exhaustion and a decline in our mental health. Thus, we look for a voice that is balanced, respectful of opportunity, and appreciative of your abilities- the voice of realistic optimism.
Optimism refers to the mindset of hoping things will always turn out for the best. It has been connected to increased life satisfaction, as well as higher ratings of personal happiness and agency, as optimists often believe that setbacks are temporary and challenges can be easily overcome if one works tirelessly to prevail (Bartz et al., 2017). Sometimes, this ideology can be beneficial when we’re trying to protect our mental well-being and remain motivated despite negative life events; however, too much optimism can lead to higher degrees of disappointment, sadness, and unfairness. Though optimism may offer one the hope of sunshine at the end of the storm, it doesn’t account for the damage each storm may do and how those things affect our lives. This can leave us to wrongfully blame ourselves for changes in our performance despite situational factors (Tenney et al., 2015).
On the opposite end of the spectrum is pessimism, where the expectation for the worst to happen hinders their motivation to exceed their own expectations. Pessimists may tend to experience self-pity and increased feelings of hopelessness and helplessness due to the lack of perceived control they have regarding the outcome (Bartz et al., 2017). Understandably, this protection mechanism used to mitigate disappointment can seem like a good idea in certain situations, but a constant state of preparing for the worst can lead to a heightened susceptibility to anxiety and can negatively impact motivation. In fact, research shows that pessimists are more likely to quit tasks sooner, internalize their failures, and experience a depressed mood when negative outcomes occur (Bartz et al., 2017; Seligman, 2006).
What optimism and pessimism have in common is that they’re rooted in our need for a world of self-protection, but research actually shows that the best way to protect yourself is to have realistic optimism (Bartz et al., 2017). This mindset focuses on the duality of reality that both ourselves and our situation can influence the outcome. Specifically, while a difficult situation can be scary, those who utilize realistic optimism understand that there is an equal probability that life outcomes may go poorly equally as much as the possibility for a positive outcome but remain motivated by the opportunity to succeed in meeting their goal. Realistic optimism also helps one prepare for unfavorable outcomes and allows the opportunity to evaluate all options available in order to continue moving forward. In fact, according to Seligman (2006), realistic optimists view the obstacle as a motivator to work harder, learn from one’s mistakes, and succeed the next time.
Let’s walk through an example of using realistic optimism with Anushka. Anushka is applying for her dream job. When she goes into the interview, she can either…..
a) Tell herself that she will likely not receive the offer and expect the worst to happen: the selection committee will pick someone else over her.
b) Tell herself that she will absolutely get the job! She is the most qualified candidate – there is no one else who would be a better fit than her.
c) Tell herself that it is possible that she may not get the offer, but the fact that she received an interview is a great sign. The most she can do is try her best and see what they think! Life usually works out, and she can always find another job if she does not get this one.
In this example, we can clearly see how Anushka can speak to herself through the lens of pessimism, optimism, and realistic optimism. Option C allows Anushka to be motivated by the opportunity to be hired while also understanding that her abilities and skills will open the door for opportunity again if she is not hired. Realistic optimism is a motivating voice in the face of all obstacles and provides reassurance at each turn.
Have you ever heard the voice of realistic optimism? If so, share with us a situation where you used realistic optimism to inspire. If not, review these examples to change your mindset and provide your own below.
For more tips to motivate yourself through life’s twists and turns, tune in to our Mindful Motherhood Podcast Episode featuring Sara Altukhaim, an entrepreneurial mother. Continue following Mother’s Lead the Way for more ways to inspire yourself in the face of challenges!
References & Further Reading
Bailey, T. C., Eng, W., Frisch, M. B., & Snyder, C. R. (2007). Hope and optimism as related to life satisfaction. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 2(3), 168-175. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760701409546
Bartz, D., Bartz, D. T., & Doctor, J. (2017). Strengths management, realistic optimism, and impressions management for managers. International Journal Of Organizational Theory And Development.
de Meza, D., & Dawson, C. (2021). Neither an optimist nor a pessimist be: Mistaken expectations lower well-being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47(4), 540–550. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167220934577
Schneider, S. L. (2001). In search of realistic optimism: Meaning, knowledge, and warm fuzziness. American Psychologist, 56(3), 250–263. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.56.3.250
Seligman, M. E. P. (2006). Learned optimism. New York, NY: Vintage Books.
Tenney, E. R., Logg, J. M., & Moore, D. A. (2015). (Too) optimistic about optimism: The belief that optimism improves performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(3), 377–399. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000018