“Something that is loved is never lost.”
-Toni Morrison
Belonging. A concept whose simplicity belies its complex influence on our lives and wellbeing. All that we are, and enjoy, how we make sense of life, and our capacity to overcome adversity are often informed by those we love and share community with. When we conceptualize communities, we think of recreation and the formation of treasured memories. We may view loved ones as extensions of ourselves, assisting us when time and responsibilities impede our ability to be everywhere at once. The grounding, vibrancy, and meaning that our relationships provide are natural byproducts of connection and act as protective gateways that buffer the stressors of daily life. Connection, the endeavor of creating communities that allow for reciprocity in being seen and nurtured, is a covert but vital act of self-care that paves the way for general well-being.
Objective
Social connection is an essential facet of subjective well-being that serves as a medium for all-encompassing self-care. We mustn’t minimize the salience of forging meaningful connections, identifying factors posing barriers to connection, and prioritizing disrupting patterns of isolation, which may render us vulnerable to adverse psychological and physical outcomes.
The Origins Of Social Disconnection
It is no coincidence that following the fallout from COVID, which encompassed the influx of virtual, distance-based communication and rising social tensions, coincided with a culture of imperiled communication and fraught companionship. Learning to connect meaningfully and vulnerably with others became difficult for numerous reasons; we are still unlearning the culture of disconnection produced out of necessity. Research has consistently shown that social isolation has devastating effects on those with limited social support. Individuals lacking sufficient social networks are far more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and a lowered perceived quality of life compared to those with robust connections. It is important to note that the quality of the relationships formed, rather than the quantity, is integral to our wellbeing and that sustains us. When we cultivate communities where we feel seen, heard, and can comfortably lay bare our experiences with adversity, we lay the foundation for a strengthened mind and nourished self, unfettered by life’s unpredictability. Just as we must infuse careful intentionality into the communities we build for ourselves, we must similarly care for the primary relationship that is the framework for healthy relationships with others: our relationship with ourselves.
To Exist Comfortably With Others, You Must Exist Comfortably With Yourself
Our self-concept, healing, and capacity for introspection inform our propensity to forge healthy connections. In many ways, we must embody that which we wish to attract. Our communities are often extensions of the values and behavioral patterns we adhere to. Harboring unresolved traumas, distorted self-perceptions, or devaluing our presence, we impede our relational growth. To effectively identify those who will most suitably comprise the communities we can rest, learn, and experience joy within, we must begin by critically examining how we might (consciously or unconsciously) create distances between ourselves and others predicated on fear or our woundedness. Self-awareness and healing often must precede genuine connection, mutuality, and reciprocity in relationships.
Creating & Maintaining Connections: Where To Begin Building meaningful connections with others is a complex process necessitating time and intentional selection, but it need not be overly complex. Here are some measures you can take to begin creating and maintaining successful relationships:
Examine and begin healing the self. Do you experience the process of drawing close to others with relative ease? Do you find that you engage in patterns of thought or behavior that seem to perpetuate disconnection in current relationships? We can only deepen into relationships so far as we have deepened into self-knowing and healing.
Maintain consistent communication with new and long-standing relationships. Reaching out to those we’d like to grow close to can be as simple as a quick text or phone call to convey our vested interest in staying connected.
Prioritize quality over quantity. The inherent power of our connections lies in their substance and depth. Who we bond with, and whether these relationships are accepting and loving, is of far greater importance than a tallied assortment of fleeting, ill-fit connections.
Moving Forward
Identifying and creating communities where we are safe, seen, and valued are integral to caring for the self. Communal care is self-care; it allows us to share our experiences in totality, ranging from adversity to quiet triumphs. Our communities preserve us, buffer life’s hardships, and mirror the beauty in ourselves, sometimes obscured in the minutiae of daily living. Being with others, authentically and deeply, is a necessary precursor to emotional and mental preservation and the basis of foundational self-care. Investing in relationships is an inadvertent pathway of returned nourishment to the self, ensuring that unique sustenance of connection remains and is never lost.
Additional Resources
How We Show Up, Mia Birdsong
What It Takes To Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change The World, Prentis Hemphill
How To Know A Person: The Art Of Seeing Others Deeply And Being Deeply Seen