Relationships are a vital part of a healthy life. They hold the potential to be either a source of structural support and joyful fulfillment, or they can be a space of contention and chaos in our lives. Many of us have experienced both sides of this intricately structured coin and want the children that we love to be surrounded by people who are capable of reciprocating the healthy connection that we will ensure our children will grow to produce.
Because healthy relationships are such an integral issue in many aspects of humanity, we are happy to share our favorite tools to help you ensure that the children in your life are empowered with the skills they need to source harmonious and enhancing connections.
Healthy relationships lift us up, hold us accountable, treat us with kindness, accept our boundaries, work with us through difficult times, and co-create harmony and balance.
There are 3 parts to cultivating such relationships:
- Knowing and honoring oneself – The most vital part of this whole conversation is this point: YOU MUST LOVE YOU. In order to teach our children how to attract healthy people to themselves, they have to know what healthy looks like. YOU are who they will learn that from by watching how YOU take care of and honor YOU. By modeling a loving relationship with ourselves, our children will be permanently imprinted with an inner relationship that will innately guide them to healthy connections.
- Integrity-based communication skills – Balance is key. Model for your children what a healthy “no” looks like. Allow them to use it freely for unwanted physical contact and requests that do not align with their personal preference, and support their stance as much as possible as they form healthy boundaries. Model kindness in these situations. Our children’s communication habits come from us and society. They learn to stomp, dramatically exhale and roll their eyes watching our interactions. Work diligently to remove the drama from your interactions. Finally communication needs to mean something. Always speak the truth and honor your word, even if it means owning a lie or moving a promised timeline. If they are going to take communication seriously, you must, without excuse, consistently give them a reason.
- Harmonious challenge navigation – In previous SEL installments, we learned the importance of “I” statements for accountability versus “you” statements that emanate blame. We learned to listen with curiosity, without interruption, and to ask clarifying questions. These communication skills are most vital when relationships face challenges. With a thorough understanding of the other person’s needs, love, and honor for ourselves and our needs, we can support a reciprocal navigation to relational harmony.
Tying these lessons together, we have supplied a foundational toolbox for our children to cultivate healthy relationships. Moreover, our child has been imprinted with a strong, safe, integral champion for life- themself. The one person who is capable of keeping them happy, healthy, and thriving will be ready for the task. Remember, though, that their inner hero shows up far sooner and with more ease if you make sure you are loving yours into existence.
Your child is counting on you to show them how to form relationships with themselves and others that enrich their lives. What inner work do you still need to tackle to be able to support them, as we have suggested in this article? What questions showed up for you as you read that one of the members of our team might be able to offer some insight on?
Additional Resource
How to help kids navigate friendships and peer relationships (apa.org)
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like? | Psychology Today
8 Lessons You Should Teach Your Children About Relationships | Psychology Today
References
Barden, S. M., Carlson, R. G., Taylor, D. D., Gao, R., & Velez, M. (2024). Fostering healthy relationships: A preliminary investigation of relationship education. Journal of Counseling Development, 102(2), 137–152. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcad.12504
Bonior , A. (2018). What does a healthy relationship look like?. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201812/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
Farooqi, S. R., (2023) Interpersonal Relationships and Healthy Psychological Development. International Journal of All Research Education and Scientific Methods, 11(4), 103-109. Saif_R._Farooqi_m0mY.pdf (ijaresm.com)