For our final post of the GAMES series, this one may feel a bit reminiscent of our Asking for Help installment. Today we are covering ways to seek support from others, which can look like anything from sending a text to a friend to vent about your day to scheduling a mental health counseling appointment.
Although our minds may instantly think of our partner as the easiest person to ask for help, they may not always be the best person depending on the kind of support we need. During the middle of my spring semester of undergraduate school, I found myself exhausted and overwhelmed with the amount of coursework being thrown at me. My spouse had no experience with the situation I was in, so asking them for help felt pointless. All I wanted was someone who understood my feelings. Thankfully, I was able to find that person within my day-to-day life: my Scholarship Program Director. In this blog we’re going to explore how to identify those within your support system – the people you can ask for help.
While I was able to identify my supportive friend through addressing my needs first and then understanding how someone else could help me meet those needs, finding support doesn’t always happen so fast. One of the first steps is recognizing what kind of support you need. In my situation, I wanted empathy and comfort, but you may desire solutions to a problem or even just someone to vent to. Either way, this is important to know when navigating through your support system. Ask yourself, “What is it that I need?” Then use your answer to shape your search.
The next step is understanding how you can best implement the support you receive into your daily life. Work-life integration is not just about making sure you can fulfill your various roles and responsibilities; it is also about making sure your cup is full. As much as we, as women and mothers, give support, whether it’s cheering on our kids in their first little league game or encouraging a coworker to finish a major project, the support we receive from others is just as important. Support can take the form of one-on-one conversations with close friends or even through group settings (Check out Dr. Suniya Luthar’s piece on Authentic Connection Groups). Figuring out what type of support best fits you and your schedule will allow you the freedom to get what you need while still fulfilling the demands of your roles.
The last step in receiving support is building your support system. Sometimes we don’t always get to plan when we need support, or even the situations we’ll need the support in, so having a support system already in place creates flexibility in our access to support. For example, identifying a person you can turn to for work advice or a person you can call on after 5 o’clock lets you incorporate support into your everyday life. When creating your system ask yourself, “What is their purpose? When are they available to support? How can I receive their support?” For my situation, my Scholarship Program Director’s purpose was to help validate my feelings about my coursework. Her availability was Monday through Friday from 8AM to 5PM and I was able to receive her support face-to-face in her office. Identifying answers to the three questions above will help make receiving support from your system much easier.
Feeling supported is crucial to supporting others. Being there for others as a mother, co-worker, or even a significant other can be draining when you feel as though there’s nobody else who is there to help fill your cup. Integrating support into your day-to-day life can provide a great stress relief and allows your children to see that even superheroes like mom need support.